Visiting wedding venues can be a nerve-wracking experience. My fiancé and I visited five over the course of one weekend up in Maine, and it felt like there was a lot of pressure to pick the exactly right place—the spot that screams “you” as a couple, but screams it in an elegant, Derek Jacobi-type voice.
So it wasn’t great that my fiancé was feeling unwell when we started our Saturday morning off at the first venue. You want to be on your A-Game on these visits: asking the right questions, looking for the important flaws, and imagining where your stoner friends are going to scurry off to when they inevitably duck out to get high.
It was even less great, when, moments after we arrived at the second venue of the day, he projectile vomited in front of the events manager.
This is a slight exaggeration, actually. He vomited behind a large shrub, which itself was in front of (and very much within earshot of) the events manager.
It was the politest projectile vomit I’ve ever witnessed, I’ll give him that. Feeling especially nauseous when we arrived at the Newagen Seaside Inn, he politely asked her if there was a working bathroom in the resort. (The place was mostly closed down for the winter.) The young woman, pertly attentive with her clipboard and Tory Burch flats, informed us that the only working restroom was in the resort’s winter office all the way across the compound. Knowing he would not make it that far, my fiancé briskly excused himself, trotted around a sizable ornamental bush, and barfed.
But here’s the takeaway, or at least the theoretical one. (The physical takeaway is that no one can ever eat Corn Nuts near him ever again.) In a wedding scenario, you want an events manager to be respectful, adaptable, and most of all, unflappable. You, the bride or groom, are likely to be in a state of extreme agitation (positive, negative, or both) during your nuptials, and whoever is actually in charge of making things run smoothly must be able to absorb your insanity while at the same time making sure that medium-height cocktail tables are topped by the right succulents.
We did not end up choosing this venue, delightful as it was. Though it was on a breathtaking promontory out into the black Maine waters, rimmed by slate gray rocks and gnarled pine trees, the buildings themselves were too small to accommodate our group. And my fiancé is fanatically opposed to erecting a tent.
But for those of you who are looking for a Maine wedding locale, I highly recommend it. Here are some pictures from their website:
The views speak for themselves. However allow me to speak for Jessica Hans, the young events manager there. Not only did she keep her composure against the staccato sounds of my fiancé retching behind a shrub, but she actually cheerily carried on a conversation with me while we waited, as if she felt it was her job to distract me from my own partner’s violent outbursts. If that’s not exactly the kind of attitude you want in a wedding planner, I don’t know what is.
Visit the Newagen Seaside Inn. [Official Site]