For God’s Sake: Ties

I love ties.

At my last job, I wore a tie almost every single day – even though most of my colleagues didn’t bother. I like waking up in the morning and choosing a tie, I like tying it, and I like shopping for new ones. My favorite brands are Vineyard Vines, J.Crew, J.Press, and I even like Brooks Brothers. But when it’s come to choosing a tie to wear for the wedding, we have been completely and utterly stymied. It’s been, in fact, a disaster. I don’t think I can think about ties for one more minute.

Here’s the problem:

When you have two grooms, you have to decide whether you want to A) dress exactly the same, B) dress completely different, or C) dress kind of the same, but different enough that you don’t end up looking like Tweedle Top and Tweedle Bottom. 

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka at the Met Gala

I have to admit I stole this joke from my friend Jeff B.

I’ve been to gay weddings where grooms and brides opted for all three options. I’ve watched two brides walk down the aisle in different ivory gowns, and two grooms walk down in exactly the same dark suits and orange (or green, or blue) ties. All of them looked lovely, but for various reasons, that won’t work for us. (For one, I look terrible in ivory.)

Wearing tuxedos is the easiest way out, but we’re getting married outside in a kind of rustic setting; it’d look out of place. Plus, we also have our groomsmen to think about. We didn’t want them to have to buy new suits for the wedding, and they all had navy ones already. The suits we are getting tailored for the wedding are in that color, so it just seemed easiest for us to all wear navy. But again, we didn’t want to all wear exactly the same ties, because that felt like too little variation. See below:

Matching Groomsmen

Which one of these guys is the groom? My guess is the creeper second from left. (From George Farmer’s Flickr.)

So, with all navy suits, the only opportunity for variation comes in the form of shoes, ties, belts, flowers, and pocket squares.

Hence, the stress about ties.

Our wedding planner came to the rescue here – she told us that we shouldn’t all dress the same, but that the way to all look similar was to buy ties in the same color scheme, like this:

A2 Ties


A Ties

We like this look. We’re not getting these exact ties (and we are not wearing a mismatched survey of late nineties fashion glasses) but we’re getting ties for our groomsmen that look all of a piece.

And no vests. For God’s sake – grooms and groomsmen always seem to have to wear vests. Colored ones! Satin ones! If there is a piece of clothing that you would never wear in any other conceivable life situation – why would you wear it at your wedding?


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